George W. Bush was passing through an airplane terminal and he noticed an old man in a long white robe, with a long white beard, long white hair and carrying two stone tablets in his arms.
He approached the man and asked reverently, "Aren't you Moses?"
But the man wouldn't listen to him and continued walking. George asked him again, ''Aren't you Moses?''
The old man continued ignoring him, even turning his back on little Bush. George grabs the man's arm, looks him right in the eye and insists, "Answer me -- Aren't you Moses?"
The man replies, "I'm not saying a thing! The last time I spoke to a Bush I ended up roaming the desert for 40 years!"
Wednesday, September 10, 2008
Memory Fails
A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
''May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.
"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
''May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.
"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
Memory Fails
A 65-year-old woman gave birth to a baby boy.
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
''May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.
"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, her relatives came to visit.
''May we see the new baby?" one asked.
"Not yet," said the mother. "I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first."
Thirty minutes had passed, and another relative asked, "May we see the new baby now?"
"No, not yet," said the mother.
After another few minutes had elapsed, they asked again, "May we see the baby now?"
"No, not yet," replied the mother.
Growing very impatient, they asked, "Well, when can we see the baby?"
"WHEN HE CRIES!" she told them.
"WHEN HE CRIES?" they demanded to know why.
"Why do we have to wait until he CRIES?"
"BECAUSE, I forgot where I put him!"
The damn cat
There was this cat who loved to get drunk, who went to the bar on the other side of the tracks.
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story
" don't lose your head over a piece of tail!"
He stayed all night long and got so wasted he could barely stand up, much less walk.
The cat starts to stumble home, and when he came to the train tracks, he didn't notice a train coming down the tracks.
As he started to cross the tracks, the train zoomed by, and cut off his tail. The cat turned his head to see the damage, got his head stuck into the side of a speeding box car, and is instantly decapitated.
The moral of the story
" don't lose your head over a piece of tail!"
Elmo's test tickles
There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes the Tickle Me Elmo Toys. The toy laughs when you tickle it under the arms. Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory and she reports for her first day promptly at 8:00 AM The next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at the Personnel Manager's door. The Foreman throws open the door and begins to rant about the new employee.He complains that she is incredibly slow and the whole line is backing up, putting the entire production line behind schedule. The Personnel Manager decides he should see this for himself, so the 2 men march down to the factory floor. When they get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and they're really beginning to pile up.At the end of the line stood Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's.She had a roll of plush red fabric and a huge bag of small marbles. The 2 men watched in amazement as she cut a little piece of fabric, wrapped it around two marbles and began to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs. The Personnel Manager burst into Laughter.After several minutes of hysterics he pulled himself together and approached Lena 'I'm sorry,' he said to her, barely able to keep a straight face, 'but I think you misunderstood the instructions I gave you yesterday...”Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles
Cracked Pot
A water bearer in India had two large pots, each hung on the end of a pole which he carried across his neck. One of the
pots was perfectly made and never leaked. The other pot had a crack in it and by the time the water bearer reached his master's house it had leaked much of it's water and was only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its
own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house,
I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other
pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not
have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you toocan be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength
pots was perfectly made and never leaked. The other pot had a crack in it and by the time the water bearer reached his master's house it had leaked much of it's water and was only half full.
For a full two years this went on daily, with the bearer delivering only one and a half pots full of water to his master's house. Of course, the perfect pot was proud of its accomplishments. But the poor cracked pot was ashamed of its
own imperfection, and miserable that it was able to accomplish only half of what it had been made to do.
After two years of what it perceived to be a bitter failure, it spoke to the water bearer one day by the stream. "I am ashamed of myself, and I want to apologize to you." "Why?" asked the bearer. "What are you ashamed of?"
"I have been able, for these past two years, to deliver only half my load because this crack in my side causes water to
leak out all the way back to your master's house. Because of my flaws, you have to do all of this work, and you don't get
full value from your efforts," the pot said.
The water bearer felt sorry for the old cracked pot, and in his compassion he said, "As we return to the master's house,
I want you to notice the beautiful flowers along the path."
Indeed, as they went up the hill, the old cracked pot took notice of the sun warming the beautiful wild flowers on the side of the path, and this cheered it some. But at the end of the trail, it still felt bad because it had leaked out half its load, and so again the pot apologized to the bearer for its failure.
The bearer said to the pot, "Did you notice that there were flowers only on your side of your path, but not on the other
pot's side? That's because I have always known about your flaw, and I took advantage of it. I planted flower seeds on your side of the path, and every day while we walk back from the stream, you've watered them. For two years I have been
able to pick these beautiful flowers to decorate my master's table. Without you being just the way you are, he would not
have this beauty to grace his house."
Each of us has our own unique flaws. We're all cracked pots. Don't be afraid of your flaws. Acknowledge them, and you toocan be the cause of beauty. Know that in our weakness we find our strength
The Penguins
A man drives to a gas station and has his tank filled up. The gas pumper spots two penguins sitting in the back seat of the car. He asks the driver, 'What's up with the penguins in the back seat?' The man in the car says 'I found them. I asked myself what to do with them, but I haven't had a clue.' The clerk ponders a bit then says, 'You should take them to the zoo.' 'Hey, that's a good idea,' says the man in the car and drives away. The next day the man with the car is back at the same gas station. The clerk sees the penguins are still in the back seat of the car. 'Hey, they're still here! I thought you were going to take them to the zoo.' 'Oh, I did,' says the driver, 'And we had a swell time. Today I am taking them to the beach.'
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